Consultation, Please
June/July 2002 

Note: Last month, this column addressed a question from a member who wrote about two members of his group who had an affair outside of the group, with the result that the woman became pregnant. We continue the discussion here, as it raised new issues and provided a forum for feedback on countertransference issues of the therapist-Barbara Turner, PhD, CGP, FAGPA, Consultation, Please Editor.

Dear Consultant:
After the very helpful initial consultation received in the last issue from Esther Stone, MSSW, CGP, FAGPA, and Allan Gelber. PhD, CGP, I was able to mobilize my group to begin talking about their feelings regarding the affair of two members of the group. Some members were angry with the couple because of their secret and the out of group contact. Others supported either Leslie or Bradley and worked to use the whole group process rather than scapegoating the two members. There were no silent members. They worked to see what this entire problem represented for each one of them and for the whole group. However, I am having difficulty with my own feelings around the affair, the pregnancy, and the support the group is mobilizing to help the couple deal with their issues. I initially thought I was clear about my role, but find that I feel jealous of Bradley. I know that some of my feelings parallel my own life. My wife and I have been involved in treatment for infertility as we have been unable to get pregnant. I want to continue working as the therapist for this group, but need help resolving my own feelings. I would appreciate your thoughts and help in how I can deal with my own issues of attraction to Lesley and my jealousy towards Bradley. At least on the surface, the group members appear to be handling the situation better than I am! Sincerely,

Sincerely,
Feeling Envious

Dear Feeling Envious:
The highly stimulating situation you present represents a real opportunity for you and your group to expand and increase your collective freedom. I was first struck by the fact that in five years of its existence, there have been no new members and no terminations, no births, and no deaths. Psychodynamic group psychotherapy is a crucible in which the forces of Eros and Thanatos are always at play. The absence of comings and goings in this group got me wondering about the members' commitment to the status quo. They appear determined to keep things the same, perhaps with your unwitting cooperation. Whenever you're faced with a whole group resistance, it's helpful to consider the possibility that you are in the grips of a countertransference resistance. Another clue to consider is the fact that Lesley and Bradley have never spoken in an exploratory way, member to member, in the group. What forces are working to encourage their emotional isolation from each other?

As the case unfolds and the affair is exposed, my internal process sounded something like this: I began to wonder about the nature of the action, i.e., sexual acting out and the feelings behind the action. What does the action say about the process in the group? My mind turned to the question of countertransference and speculated about what the leader has been doing or not doing to encourage the exploration of these feelings while in session. After all, group is the safest place to have "aural sex," and with the right encouragement, members can talk about their libidinous needs and wants openly. This has a powerful and curative effect, and furthers personality integration and the ability to function in an intimate relationship. Finally, I considered the nature of the acting out. What is being reenacted? Since the group members are psychological brothers and sisters, did one or both of the participants have a history of incest?

In the next session you did an excellent job by encouraging the group to more fully explore the episode and its impact. You also had the courage to consider your jealous feelings towards Bradley and his ability to impregnate a woman as you and your wife struggle with conceiving a child. This is painful but rich, powerful material for you to work with in exploring countertransference phenomena. In time, this kind of self-examination will strengthen you as a person and clinician. But you can't do it alone, so when you said that access to colleagues is limited in your small town, I wondered why not think of our AGPA community as your other home town and consider long distance supervision?

Elliot Zeisel, PhD, CGP, FAGPA
New York, New York

Dear Feeling Envious:
Isn't it amazing to see how much is stirred up by a newly revealed secret! Just as Bradley and Lesley are benefiting from their disclosure, you and your group members have the opportunity to learn and grow from your fantasies and emotional reactions. I was struck when you said that in addition to your feelings about the affair and the pregnancy, you were jealous of the support the group was giving Lesley and Bradley. In your first letter, you said you had no (easily available) access to colleagues who are skilled in group dynamics. However this change in your group certainly spurred you to seek help through this column. You seem to have utilized the responses you received very well, and you're reaching out again as you become increasingly aware of the impact their disclosure has had upon you. By their violation of the group contract, they may have given you a real gift, i.e., access to feelings of which you may have been previously unaware, coupled with a realization that you cannot solve this dilemma on your own. Have you done the equivalent of Lesley's action, i.e., taking the risk of talking about painful and difficult issues?

I believe it is useful to look at countertransference reactions from at least two viewpoints: what it means about you personally and what it may mean about the group. What does it say about you that until the recent crisis in your group you did not seek consultation around issues that arose within it? Do you tend to suppress feelings, "go it alone," and assume that help is not generally available for you, or that you don't need it? If you look more closely at your jealousy of Bradley, what exactly do you envy? His relationship with Lesley? His children? His willingness to break boundaries? Have you had (or been tempted to have) affairs yourself? In what ways would you like the people in your personal life to mobilize in order to help you deal with your issues? You are clearly going through a difficult time as you and your wife attempt to conceive a child. I imagine you have suffered many cycles of hope followed by disappointment. Infertility treatment itself is frequently emotionally and physically exhausting, and I imagine it's been quite a strain on your marriage. How aware and open have you both been about all the feelings you must be experiencing? Do you and your wife talk about it? Have you sought out a therapist or joined a support group such as Resolve? How skilled are you at recognizing your need for help and then seeking it out?

In addition to examining the meaning of your reactions in your own life, what might they mean about the group's dynamics? What kinds of sexual feelings are present but unexpressed within the group? Is anyone else in the group jealous of Bradley? Attracted to Lesley? How do group members feel about pregnancies? Children? What other "secrets" do members harbor? How do they (and you) feel about the loss of their (presumably) "nice" comfortable group? My guess is that the more you are able to tolerate your own tensions and ambivalences, the more you'll be able to recognize and contain these feelings for the group. Overall, I believe this may become an exciting time of growth for you personally and for your group members as well.

Sally Farmer, PhD, CGP
Atlanta, Georgia

This Consultation, Please column was published in the June/July 2002 issue of The Group Circle.